Monday, January 28, 2013

You're Killing Me Smalls!

I just put out ads on my 4 yr. old Oldenburg x TB gelding.  It hurts, but is necessary at this point in my life.  His life too actually.  I carefully chose his dam & sire, spent hours mulling over pedigrees, show accomplishments back to great-grandsires & dams, etc.  He is my baby.  I was the first human to ever lay a hand on him, he would leave his dam and come cantering to the fence if he saw me starting at a few weeks of age.  He will still leave food and the herd he pastures with to come see me and get loved on.  If a few things were different I wouldn't be talking about this, it wouldn't be an issue.

However, those things exist, and so does this circumstance accordingly.  It breaks my heart in ways I cannot begin to describe, and I sit here typing with tears brimming over, my stomach turning acidy with the thoughts running through my mind. He is truly a fantastic prospect for dressage, which I dearly love, or show jumping, hunters, possibly field hunter as well.  He is a grandget of Peron, the winningest Olympic dressage horse in American Olympic history, and has other famous grandsires who jumped their hearts out, here and in Germany.

Unfortunately, due to all the car accidents and ATV accident, the past two years, I am not going to be able to ride a horse with his big stride, soft as it may be.  I look up at him and think of climbing up and onto his back, and feel both fear and longing.  I want to so badly be the first person who ever sits this horse, feel his muscles bunching under me.  Then I think about all the doctor's comments about never getting a serious concussion or back injury ever again, and I close my eyes and hold back tears.  Regret is a bitter thing.

I also posted my dressage saddle, bridles, and the custom browband I had made just for him.  It hurt as well, though not nearly as much as posting him does.  I'm sure I'll be friendly and polite to all who inquire about him, but I can imagine that I will also be hard with the questions and when I ultimately agree to hand him over, my heart will break into a million broken bits, sharp with loss.  My beautiful boy, I will do my level best to place you into the hands of someone who will love you as I have!

Two weeks old

Four months at his AWS inspection, earned Blue Preferred 

Nearly grown up & gorgeous as always!


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