Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Empty Nest Thoughts

I had always thought I wouldn't be one to cry at graduations, weddings, or when the last little bird flew the coop.  I was wrong.  First the eldest graduated and though we home schooled, she was part of a graduate walk at church, and when she walked across that stage to accept her certificate and bible I did it, I cried.  It happened again at her wedding.  She walked up that aisle towards her man, and I looked up to see his expression.  Yeah, sucker got me, he was tearing up.  Loser.  Nah, I love the guy, he's pretty darn awesome I'll admit it. Plus, he really loves my kid, and man, you just have to love a guy who loves your daughter like he does her.  Sucker.

Then the whole cycle repeated when my only son graduated, the middle daughter graduated and started college, the youngest started college at 17, and so on.  Okay man, I get it, I do cry at important events.  Yeah, so, wanna make something of it?  Then that silly middle daughter went and got pregnant.  Geesh, you do not wanna see the photos of me from that day of getting her news.  Dang, it wasn't pretty y'all, not even.  Only all the above are like not registering on the scale of the tears that were shed by moi when I helped my first grandchild make her appearance into the big ol' world.  OMG!

There are not adequate words by any means to describe what a Gigi feels as she coaches her baby in delivering her own baby. Ack!  She didn't look at her midwife, the nurses, the other grandma, or the baby's father during those contractions.  Nope, looked straight into my eyes every single time and would nod at me, letting me know to hold her foot and breathe with her.  When her midwife passed out (low blood sugar & low blood pressure combo) she again looked at me; I assured her the midwife would be okay and on we went with delivery.  Then after 3 hours, my baby girl's baby girl started sliding out.  That shock of curly black hair, that tiny perfect face, the huge sob from my darling as she looked down at her daughter for the first time.  I was a goner y'all, and I am not ashamed!

They came home here after the birth.  I got several precious weeks helping care for Sora before their little house was ready for them.  Yeah, yeah, I cried when they left.  Shut up.  She's going to be 5 months old this Friday.  I just cleaned their old room this past weekend.  I couldn't bring myself to do it before this.  I tried.  Walking through that door, looking at that stuff...got me right in the heart man!  It's a done deal now though, the room is empty.  It echoes.  For real.  The one next to it that my son left also sits empty, waiting for the next stage.  They make me sad those empty rooms.  I have the blinds up and curtains wide open so the sunshine pours into them and out into the hallway.  It's harder to tear up over them with sunshine splashing on you like that.

So, two empty rooms sit and wait to be transformed into something.  The smaller of the two is going to be a guest room for Sora.  Pinks and creams on walls, doors, and trim.  Seashells, surfboards, beach signs, and a sea turtle rug wait to go into this room for what we all believe will be one very athletic and active girl.  It was the other room that mocked me to come up with something to do with it, something for myself.  Along the lines of my last post about learning to bloom, thoughts of making it over just for me and me alone kept creeping in.

I have used the Sherwin Williams Chip It! tool and some favorite photos to come up with a color palette, poured over Ikea, Crate & Barrel, Pottery Barn, and Ballard Design catalogs.  I have a very definitive idea of what this room is going to be now...my nest.  A place just for me, to go be alone, to paint, to read, to pay bills, to breathe, to keep losing this weight gained from all the dagone injuries over the past decade.  I have the exact spot for the treadmill, an art corner is going between the two windows where natural light pours in nicely, and the back corner with less light is going to be a reading nook with an overstuffed, comfy chair, floor lamp, and table for drinks and me to put my feet up.  Yes, I put my feet up on the furniture okay.  It's okay, I'm laid back that way.

I've found a lovely rug from Ballard Design that looks like an old letter that is going down over the wood plank vinyl floor we're putting in when I joyfully rip out the old, heinous burgundy carpet that has bothered me for the past twelve years now.  Then between thrift shop finds and things purchased from the aforetomentioned catalogs with money tucked away here & there, I will outfit my nest just so. Perfectly Chelle, a tad bit Parisian, and just partly eclectic as suits me best.  It is going to rock!

Sora Riley welcome to our world!

Just after her 1st bath

Sora & Gigi say hello!

Pacifier is almost bigger than she is!